The oxford English dictionary defines lying as ‘an intentionally false statement’ but we all know that lying is so much more than that. Outright lying will always land you in trouble, it brews quickly and burns fast; however there are so many versions of lying that can include a small truth or just withholding the truth and those lies tend to slowly creepy in and turn into a full blow forest fire. Sadly we live in a world that includes at least one lie a day whether that’s an intentionally false statement, withholding the truth, choosing what to say and what not to say or the most common version of lying, telling yourself a truth that we all know is just make-believe. The biggest victim of our lies is always ourselves, we try to convince, change and promise ourselves things we know aren’t true, yet some how we always seem to buy them, we cash in our confidence, integrity and honestly in hope that we might believe something we wish to exist. I know I am a victim of my own lies, I am sure you are too… perhaps its time to change the way we think, if I can do it so can you!
So I am totally going over board with post #3 for the day but we all know that give it a week and the posts would have died out to nothing but the wind occasionally sifting over my keys. We all have goals we want to achieve and reach, things we believe that when given the time and patience we may have but that’t not always the case and you can often find in trying to reach one goal you develop a new one. I know this only from personal experience so validate that however you please. I know working hard can get you some where but will it actually get you to where you want to go – If I was you i’d keep on the look out, your dream could be in your reach but if your too focused on the rest of your life you might find it slips right through your fingers.
High school, it really doesn’t matter what corner of the world you may come from everyone has the same limited edition version. Drama, relationships, friendships, family drama and not to mention failing grades, high school equates to one and only one thing – Hell. We can all pretend like it was a magical time, everyone got on and no one in your year got pregnant or slept with a teacher but seriously your just falling yourself, high school is designed to filter out the weak, tear down the strong, embarrass the losers and idolise the winners but most of all its to prepare you for real life. Looking back, high school and all its drama was probably the worst time of my life but there are days in this big bad world where I would give just one day of high school if it meant I didn’t have to worry about how I was going to pay my next bill or constantly fret over why I’m 23 and still don’t have a boyfriend. Honesty is always the best policy and honestly if I could go back to high school even just for a day, of cause only with all the knowledge I already know, no way would I go in blind, I think id jump at the chance. What about you? Would you stand one more day of gossip and mean girls if it meant that tomorrow you didn’t have to get up at 6am for work?
The beauty of England is it doesn’t matter what the technical season is the wind, rain and cold still find there way home and that means, winter fashion, scarfs and leather jackets. My idea of good fashion. I once heard someone say ‘have you noticed how people dress to hide who they are not show who they are’ fashion is a statement of expression… colours, hem lines, baggy or tight we get to use clothes to say whatever we want about ourselves without anyone being able to interrupt. What are your clothes saying about you? I’ve given up on life or bring it on. Perhaps it’s time to have a little walk into your wardrobe and walk out with every piece of clothing that’s telling fibs – after all the world is filled with enough liars already.
The sun is shining the morning is here and as the saying goes – the early bird catches the worm and we all know that there is always a worm or two trying to sneak its way through the cracks, in TV it’s normally some crazy scored woman however in really life it’s the series of doubts your currently telling yourself about your new job, your current relationship or your old life. For those who don’t know worms have quite a few hearts in different places so if you cut of its head it only heals and goes on again…. the only way to kill a worm is to squash it under the weight of your heal! Where are your worms creeping into? And tell me are you going to cut of the head or ensure it’s demise by squashing it flat.
Let’s talk about sharing and caring: where or at what point do you not offer something up to help someone, if they are in need do you do it? If they will put you in danger, do you do it? If it’s work should you cover someone’s shift when you don’t have to? What if it’s a special occasion? It’s hard to tell when helping is really helping or when it’s actually hindering. Now I am not saying go on some bender where the only one in the world that matters is you, but don’t be stupid either, there are good people in the world but most people are out for themselves and wouldn’t think a moments thought about stepping on you to get to the top. Now although I do not condone stepping on someone, side stepping someone can often be an effect tool to manoeuvre this big bad world.
Sometimes letting go also means letting up, whether that’s no longer trying to change someone from who they are into someone we need them to be or stop helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped… there is only so much self healing in the forced healing of others, true medicine as a wise women once wrote is time, that being said no matter the small truth of those words truer words have been uttered soundlessly by an anonymous source ‘time may heal the open wound but only space will fade the scars.’ Knowing the wonderers of the world its a surety that everyone has a scar or two, what are you going to do about it? Maybe its time to get out of town, start a new adventure, who knows perhaps letting go and letting up is just the medicine the doctor ordered.
Staring at the ceiling with tears falling down the side of my face I wanted to yell, I wanted to scream but with the knowledge that everyone in the house was asleep i took a deep breath and quietly started my prayer. Laying on a thin mattress topper on the floor of my mum’s spare room, in searing pain and stress levels rising i had no interest in having a rational and heartfelt conversation with my Heavenly Father. I was sad, mad and confused, with all of it already in my heart i saw no reason not to voice it out loud. Tears still rolling from my eyes I ask (in lots of different versions) over and over again why this was all happening to me, why this was my life, why i was suffering and struggling, why i deserved it and what i did to cause it. You have to understand in that moment I thought about the last year of my life, i had turned it upside down, I had changed my routine, stopped doing things i enjoyed, forgave people who had wronged me, put in effort and served those who had never said thank you, I had lost friends and hobbies, time and moments that I had, had planned years before and why? Because He asked me to! So why was it i was crying for what had to have been the 4th hour, staring at the ceiling, lying on the floor, homeless, financially unstable, failing health, feeling lost, alone and sad after having put in so much effort. How was this fair?
“This wasn’t my choice”
Those famous words, after falling asleep, exhausted, drained and out of energy to fight a fight i had no reason to be fighting, it didn’t take me more than a day to realise how wrong I was. How every prayer I had said in the past two months that consisted of wanting answers wasn’t necessary.
I was singing a song called ‘The Call’ and the image of me and my Heavenly Father popped into my head, as clear as day, seeming almost like a memory – we were having a conversation and talking about how we needn’t worry, that it would be hard, there would be battles and at times i would struggle but one day He’d call me and I’d come back. I felt this peace thinking of this conversation and as quickly as all the anger that rose in me thinking about what my life was right now, did the feeling of peace as i remembered a memory i had long forgot.
“I stood not knowing where i was or how i got there but knowing to the full extent of my knowledge why i was there, i was there because i had chosen to be, because i had agreed to fight His battle, to stand on His side and to walk, serve, honour and love in His name. I stood still and i stood tall while others walked away and dwindled from Him. He is my Father, He loves me and I chose to follow Him and His son, my saviour.”
It was almost instantaneously I knew that I had been arguing with my Heavenly Father not because i ever thought He was arguing back but because I knew deep down, I made the choice to be here, to suffer, to have my life be exactly what is was right in this moment and although i didn’t know the exact specifications of this life i knew it wouldn’t be easy.
We got given a choice so long ago to pick a side, light? or dark? We are here, we are living, we are suffering and we are joyful therefore we chose light… So why would i stop now, why would i ever go back on my word – He chooses me no matter what, so i shall always choose Him. Heavenly Father wants us only to explore life and experience what will change us and help us grow into who He promised we would be, He understands its hard which is why He is always on our side and why He will always help and guide us when we need, but we also have to take responsibility for our choices and decisions. We chose to be here, we wanted to experience life – I will do better next time to not forget that