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Its About The Distance

You think it – I know it. I might as well write it down!

Do You Know That God Loves You? 

When the missionary use to teach me, before and after my baptism one of the missionary’s would always finish with the same thing. After we were done with the lesson or food we had said our closing prayer, we had made a joke, chatting about a few things and got our coats on this particular missionary would always turn to me and say “Ella, do you know that God loves you?”

“Do you know that God loves you?” That’s a pretty good question huh, it’s also a pretty big one.

My answer to this question varied from the start of my lessons to when they finished and this missionary got transferred. It ranged from sure and travelled through the following; okay, I suppose, I don’t know, I’m working on it and I think so. At the beginning I just wasn’t sure, it was far easier to agree with the missionary by saying sure or okay, as I continued to grow I started to look for the answer and as I questioned and queried, as I put my faith into practice and did the things that my Heavenly Father asked me to do my answer started to change into I suppose and I don’t know. At this point I was still in a state of unknowing and so diligently looking for the answer that I could not say yes or no. When I had found and been testified too by the Holy Spirit that my God, my Heavenly Father, my creator did in fact love me my assurance of His love for me wavered depending on my week, my month but mostly my choices through those times the answers would be such things as I think so or I’m working on it.

I am sure this missionary had no idea what effect this question had on me, the importance it brought to my life and the significance it had in times of doubt, pain and loss. It’s easy once you have faith to believe that your Heavenly Father exists because that requires you to have faith in Him. It is not easy especially at the hard times to believe He loves you because that my friends requires you to have faith in yourselves, to believe you are worthy and beautiful, to believe that no matter what there is someone out there that loves you unconditionally and eternally. 

“Ella do you know that God loves you?”

YES. I know that God loves me, that I am His daughter, that no matter my choices and my mistakes He will always love me, He will always be there for me, no matter how many times I get on my knees, no matter what I ask for, no matter how long I stay on my knees or how far away I travel from Him He loves me. He loves me not ‘like’ a parent loves a child but loves because He is my parent and I am His child.

I testify, I share my thoughts, my feelings and my beliefs with you that your Heavenly Father, whether you believe in Him of not loves you, he cares for you, when you hurt so does He and when your happy He is joyful, He will not leave you, not now and not ever, He is an eternal unconditional parent and I know it is hard at times but this post isn’t a guide book on how to find out that your Heavenly Father loves you it is about asking the question, as someone said today ‘take a break from your life and interview yourself’, start with the most important question. 
“Do you know that God loves you? 
In the name of Jesus Christ 

Amen. 

WARNING: I Travelled With My Friends. 

I once heard the saying “if you really want to know someone or find out if you are suited, travel together” at first I didn’t quite understand but as it was explained I saw more and more truth in the saying. It gives you a chance to see how people deal with stressful suitutaions, with people and places, different cultures and customs. Are they someone who will share their sweets on the plane or the kind who complains about a crying baby. Are they the kind of person who doesn’t mind how things go or are they someone who needs to be organised. I’ve just got back from Norway. Yes Norway Europe. Yes Norway north. Yes Norway cold, snow, 3 hats, 2 gloves and at least 4 different coloured thermals and I decided to go with some friends. One I have known only a year, another only a few months and the third really only a few weeks and if I can bare truth of anything it is that traveling with someone is a great way to figure out who they are and if your suited. We had a great weekend, no arguments or problems, no bickering or moaning. 

Was it perfect? No. 

Was it right? Yes!

We learn from our experiences and as apprehensive as I was to go on this trip, I am so very glad that I did, it gave me a chance to really get to know someone amazing, to see a different side of someone I already knew and to grow even deeper an eternal friendship I already had. I am thankful for the chance to travel with my friends. If you want to figure out who you like, what you want? Pick a group of people go on a weekend adventure. Mate you’ll be surprised. 

Sleep well. 

100% 100% All The Time Part Two 

I wrote this post a while ago, however posted it in a different place, today I was inspired to refer back to it, to talk about it in my testimony that I shared. As such I felt the desire to reshare the post in hope it will help someone who needs it and also give me a quick and gentle reminder. 

I love my Heavenly Father and my saviour, they have a place in my heart like non-other but there are days when it’s hard and that doesn’t stop me loving them any more than I already do. You will be fine. ❤ 

 Why is there this ridiculous ideal that we have to prove to everyone that our testimonies are 100%, 100% of the time, beside from it being completely untrue it’s just so unrealistic, I mean we’re human, that in its self means we are going to struggle, we are going to find things hard, we are going to make mistakes and we are definitely going to lose heart, hope and a little faith at times. There’s such a stupid amount of ‘pretend’ pressure we put upon ourselves to prove we are doing fine, that we are always reading our scriptures, we’ve never missed a prayer, that we enjoy every talk, lesson, moment of church. There are a stupid amount of moments where we pretend we want to do something we really don’t and worse than that we pretend to love it, it’s okay not to enjoy things, it’s okay to have a hard time, it’s okay not to be okay all the time, no matter what area of your life that’s in.

This scripture reads “It is important to recognize that God’s ultimate purpose is our progress. His desire is that we continue “from grace to grace, until [we receive] a fulness” of all He can give. That requires more than simply being nice or feeling spiritual. It requires faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism of water and of the Spirit, and enduring in faith to the end” – General conference, October 2015, Why The Church by Elder D. Todd Christofferson
Any one else see the part that says about progress? Or where it says have faith in Jesus Christ. To progress we have to fail and it doesn’t say you have to have a perfect never faultering faith in Christ, just have one. You may have days where you can’t be bothered and in those days it’s up to you to make a decision to do the things you should do anyway or you can choose to not do them, but if you choose not to please PLEASE don’t let that be a gateway to never doing them again, never going to Church, never reading your scriptures, never saying your prayers. Okay if you have a ruff day let it be so, okay if you have a ruff week let it be so, forgoodness sakes if you have a ruff year let it be so, but make sure after you’ve finished with your selfishness, your pity and self hate, your stupidity and lack of commitment, don’t be that person that then just walks away. Hold you head high, be an exsample show people that no matter how low you fall, or how hard it is you can still rise, you can still progress, a little faith or a big faith is still and always will be FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST…. 
P.S know I write from experience, I write from the heart, your not alone, your not the only one struggling right now or at any time, reach out and ask, know better for yourself because in a years time you’ll be that person for someone else. 
I love you. 
Deadicated to a special friend ❤️

Where Is The Line? 

I get lost. I often don’t understand how or why people do or say the things they do, I’ve always understood honestly to be the best policy so when your asked if you think that top suits someone and it doesn’t you say no or when someone cooks you a meal and you don’t like it you say no. Now I don’t mean chucking the food on the floor and telling them they are a terrible chef but honestly and polity telling them the truth. 
Now the biggest question that baffles me are the common “how are you?” Or “how was your day?” If my day was bad do you really want to know? If my day was good do you really want to know? I feel like it’s become a throw away question with no meaning or point. My confusion starts here. If you ask me about my day and it’s been bad, long, stressful and hard where is the line between be talking about it or complaining about it? At what point does me telling you about some of the not so great and good things that have happened in my day turn into me being negative and moany. Is it when the message is to long? Or when I’ve been talking for half an hour? Or is it just anything that isn’t positive that’s said?  Why is ‘fine’ the only acceptable word in these suituations; why is it ‘I’m good’ is the only response allowed without people feeling trapped into a conversation or annoyed because you’ve answered their question any differently to how ‘social norms’ tell you, you should.

Has anyone found the line? If you have share you secret! 

Have an amazing day, talk about it!

I tried. I failed but I tried. 

In our time of need it is common and very normal to seek love, friendship, comfort and contact, what isn’t normal or common is to withdraw, close yourself away and suffer. I’m working on that. We live in a world where people are always suffering and so those times I feel like I suffer I try my best not to make a song and dance about it, there are plenty of people in the world who have it worse, but just as I try to remind myself there are plenty of people who have it better. This is no song and dance rest assured but I would like to get my feelings out and this is how I do it.

I’m sad. My heart hurts, today I made an effort to keep myself busy, surrounded by people. Even those times where I was asked to dive in deep, think and feel I used the many distractions around me to do anything but. I did not want today to be a sad day, I did not want to start a tradition or idea in my life that today the 14th of January was a sad day a reminder of the pain my family had felt or the loss we try to endure. When I had finally left the many people and done the one thing I really didn’t want to do got home, alone, I sat and chilled and as the hours went on it only took a small conflict to set me down the path of hurt, sadness and tears. I had struggled all day and finally without being able to stop I let go of all that pain and it poured out of my eyes, during this time I prayed for strength, for love and for someone to make me feel better and I tried to reach out. It was not part of my Heavenly fathers plan to have someone to talk to at that time. I feel better. A few hours of crying has passed and now I am tired and sleepy. 

We all suffer pain, hurt and heartache but it is not always obvious to those around us, on those times when we need someone we have to ask. We have to reach out, you may be lucky enough to have a friend or a loved one close who knows you well enough but if you don’t please don’t be afaid to hold out your hand you will often fine someone will take it. 

Sleep well my amazing people. Love hard. Live light. 

Even When It Hurts, Have Peace.

This time last year I sat in peace, peace of family, of friends and of my surroundings; the earth where I stood was covered in white and the mountains stood tall and I was happy. I had little knowledge of what my life had in store for me, what trails, pain and tribulations where coming my way; I was blissfully happy, unaware. Having the knowledge I have now I don’t know if I would have done anything differently, if I could have prevented my actions or reactions. I don’t know if I could have better controlled my feelings and my emotions, perhaps I could have, perhaps it wouldn’t have lead me to the wrong and destructive desisions I made, perhaps it would have helped but then again. Maybe it wouldn’t of. 
We often wish for foresight the ability to acknowledge and recognise our trials and difficulties before they rise and once we do see them and have been though them we often think to ourselves ‘if only I had known.’ Although not knowing is hard and often exstremely scary I like it, in fact I prefer it, I enjoy watching life’s event unfold, I enjoy having the reformed and extended knowledge after that I didn’t have before, knowledge I can only get from learning through an experience. I will not lie and deny the many times I have hoped for foresight or wished to know where I’m going and how I’m going to get there but at school some of the best memories were always made on the coach journey getting to where ever we were going and life is just the same. 
Some may consider me lucky, some foolish and some deranged but my belief is this: I can control my actions but my life is in the hands of my Heavenly Father, as much as I can control my choices, the events of my life are in the hands of my saviour, Jesus Christ and as much as I can choose my way, my road and the guidence I receive is in the hands of the Holy Spirit who is always there. I need not worry. I do. But I don’t need to and that makes me realise that although the next week of my life may have some sadness, hardship and pain, I will be okay. I can and will hold on. I will have peace. 

Have a beautiful day. Allow peace into your hearts.

X

Dear 2017 

Time is but a number that the human kind has put together so we can measure things; it truly means nothing in the idea of eternity. That being said we have reached another mile stone, finishing 2016 and heading into 2017. Now this isn’t a big blog post about this is the year to let go of all the bad stuff or that this is the year to start all the stuff you said you were going to do. This is just a reminder to you all that today is the first day of the first month of the new year however it packs no greater impact than any other day in this new year to start over, start fresh, let go of the bad, do what you need to do and push forward. So if you feel today is the day to start anew please do, but if you feel like tomorrow is the day then start then. Take your time. Learn your way. Trust in the guidance you get. 
Happy new year. 
May you feel blessed each and every day.

All my love  

Merry Christmas 

Christmas is a beautiful and world wide tradition that is celebrated by many, this season is enjoyed with a tree and decorations, sweets and chocolate, laughter and smiles and if your very lucky snow. I was considering doing a ‘true meaning to Christmas’ blog but my opinion is you probably already know what the true meaning of Christmas is, the clue is in the name. So instead I want to just sending a Christmas message out considering the love that can and should be spread at this season. 
May you find the choices you make be kind and loving ones, may your experiences this holiday season be heartfelt and warm, may you open your arms with a welcoming smile to those who need it and even those who don’t. Christmas is finished but may you hold onto the Christmas spirit and allow it to radiate though the rest of your year, allow it to continue to bring you happiness and joy this season. 

To those of you on your own, sick, afflicted or anything other than joyous, know you are loved and thought of, know you are cared for even though you may not always see it. 

Merry Christmas everyone. 

I hope you enjoyed it and continue to enjoy it. 

All my love

Me

One Temporally Bad Week.  

I’ve got about 5 pushing 10 minutes before I seriously need to sleep… but before I do I want to share a story, it is not an amazing story nor is it life changing but nevertheless I do feel like it’s important. I have been meaning to blog for a while now and just not got round to it; many thoughts and ideas for different ones so I will need to etch them all down but for now here is my story.

When you become or are religious there are two types of ‘I’m not doing well’ there is the spiritual and temporal. Now the spiritual is to do with your faith so if your week has not gone well regarding your spirituality that probably means you’ve made some bad decisions, pershaps you’ve not said your prayers or read your scriptures. Perhaps you’ve had a cup of coffee (religiously I don’t drink coffee). Perhaps you’ve said some inappropriate things or done some inappropriate things or thought some inapportitaite things. Perhaps your testimony (your belief) has been low, dwindled, felt less of what it once was. In those weeks the answer is easy – the praxis is hard. The answer being, stop doing the bad things, start doing the good.

Now temporal is about the worldly stuff, ranging from money through to family. As an exsample of a bad temporal week I shall share my last 10 days with you which include but are not limited to: being sick, over tired because of long hours at work, friends being difficult, friends being far away, being emotionally raw from thinking about people you have lost, burning your hand and ending up in A&E. Being surprised by people from your past, having to miss work, having to put on a front, arguing with your family, feeling sad, feeling happy, feeling angry and last but not least not being able to wash your hair. These are just a few of the not so great things that have happened in the past few days and honestly it’s driven me quite crazy, it’s made me sad and my attituted has be pretty dismal. In those weeks the answer is hard – the praxis is easy. A lot of the time a lot of what happens isn’t down to you and even though you can do whatever you can things won’t change because you can’t control other people. So although the answer may be rest because your sick the praxis of that isn’t practical because you have to work, or see friends or do things you’ve committed to and thust it’s hard.

This week for me has been a little shocking and as such a friend of mine invited me out to well essentially stop me from sitting at home feeling sorry for myself and being miserable. So I went out, no where amazing but I went. Did I have a top class amazing time. No. Was it good? Yes. I have had to rely on people a lot over the past few days, something I am not a fan of so made a point to get myself (by bus) to and from this place, although I got there fine, I made a bit of an error on the way home and ended up having to get a mulitude of different transport and walk and got home later than I wanted. I complain to a friend by message as I stood at the right bus stop but the wrong one I had been looking at on my phone, trying to decide if I got on a different bus or waited an extra half an hour for the one I originally planned and all she wanted to do was help, she offered a ride which I bluntly turned down feeling the need to make sure I did this one small thing on my own and I’m glad I did. When I finally got my second bus I was sitting next to an older gentleman, wearing a suit, playing on his phone. I squished in and open my scriptures because you see my spiritually has been great and started to read. I got to a point that sparked a thought in my head to do with tithing (money I pay to my church) and I desperately wanted to mark it so I could go back at a later date and make a few notes, I searched in my bag hopefully but pretty sure I was right in originally thinking I did not have a pen (which is strange because I always carried a pen) and finally turned to the gentleman next to me and politely asked if he happened to have a pen I could borrow. He did. I finished marking the scripture (Alma 13:15) and gave it back to him, he popped it in to his pocket and I carried on reading, then only a few moments later the gentleman turned to me and said “I in fact have two, so here you are, you can keep this one as you are studying so intently” that moment for me was a much needed temporal moment, it was a moment where someone’s actions benefited my own, where by doing something I changed something which was out of my control. From that moment on, everything I read in my scriptures started sparking thoughts and I scribbled down what I could, underlined where I could and used that pen for the rest of the journey. As I got of at my stop I turned to the gentleman and said thank you again for the pen and placed on my chair a little Mormon.org card, not wanting to be to forceful but knowing he would see it. 

Although in a perfect world I would have swallowed my pride and accepted the lift my friend offered at the end of the night and gone to bed 20 minutes ago I knew that I needed that bus ride, so I could put in perspective the troubles I was facing, that pain I was feeling and the hardships I was going through, I needed that gentleman to offer me that small amount of kindness to remind me that sometimes to change our minds all we have to do is ask for a pen because sometimes, not always but sometimes someone will have two and will share.

Have an amazing week folks. Have a bright shinning Christ fill Christmas. And know temporally or spiritually your struggle is never something you have to go through alone.

Sleep well. X

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